This morning I found myself wanting to procrastinate. I looked around at all the things I need to get done around the house, and had to stop myself from doing those things instead of my sketching practice. I really wanted to distract myself from the anxiety I’m feeling today. I’m going to see a new specialist this afternoon, and I really don’t want to go. I have been down this road again and again, and it never ends well. I tell myself maybe this doctor will be different, I get my hopes up that an answer will be found, and then it all plays out the same way. At first, the doctors are enthusiastic to see me. They believe they will be the one to figure out the mystery that is me. But after they have run all their tests and come up with nothing, they get frustrated or lose interest, and tell me there is nothing they can do for me.
I have not been well for eighteen years. About seven years ago, I believed the mystery had been solved when an endocrinologist discovered a parathyroid tumor. It was quickly removed, and I was declared cured. But, my health has continued to decline. I have really good days, and then I have days that take my feet out from under me, and I just have to let it do what it does until it’s done. Life stops, plans stop, everything stops. I am learning to accept this, but it’s not an easy thing to do. Neither is continuing to carry the hope that the next specialist will be the one to finally figure it all out.
Despite my need to procrastinate and distract, I sat down and sketched my six characters. Today’s lesson was Nina Rycroft‘s oval-shaped faces. I really like the results. I received a Caran D’Ache non-photo blue pencil in the mail yesterday, and I absolutely loved sketching with it. It felt like putting silk down on the page, and I love the results. It’s amazing how having just the right creative tool can make such a difference in the creating experience.
Here are today’s sketches. I love the second character. She looks like I feel today. Ha! Ha!